November 17th 2022
“Can I be vulnerable with you for a minute?”
This week I rode Ivy again for the first time in a while. Basically, we worked on communication. (Isn’t that all riding really is?) She surprised me. She was very attentive to my posture and picked up every little cue after a few practice rounds. Anytime I work with an animal I make it a game to see how soft I can be. I whisper. I lean instead of step off to see if they’re watching me. With Ivy I would inhale, lift myself up a bit in the saddle and drop my hands forward and she would walk off. Then I would exhale, sink down into the saddle and bring my hands up and she would slow down or stop. The softness between us really amazed me and I was so proud of her. But it doesn’t change the fact that riding is risky. I’m trusting a 1500 pound animal to actually understand what I’m asking and choose to do it. And you’ve got to remember they pick up on everything we do as well as everything we feel. I have to be quiet. I have to be calm, and soft and light if I want her to reflect that back to me. I also have to be vulnerable. I have to trust that she’s going to listen to my ask and respond. I’ve got to remember that she’s also in a very vulnerable place. She’s new at this, everything is a little strange and uncomfortable, and she’s also got to trust that I’m not going to ask her for too much. I’m not going to push her too far. That I am listening back to everything she says, and that I’m considering her needs as well. Like any relationship you have to build it over time and every good day you build a little more trust, a little more confidence in each other, a little more softness, so that hopefully when the bad days do pop up you can move forward easily.
Communication is always a work in progress whether you’re talking to a horse or a human. Next time you find yourself in a snarled knot of crisscrossed lines of conversation try softness. If it’s someone you trust, then make yourself vulnerable. Ask gently. Whisper. And see if they listen. See if they soften in return. I wonder what would change if we whispered when we discussed our disagreements? Would we hurt each other a little less? Would we listen a bit more? Notice the people in your life who will let you tread gently. People who get frustrated but come back around quietly, those who don’t keep score and forgive easily our many offenses. Those are the relationships worth building, and worth weathering their hard days, because those are your people.