June 17th 2023

Tip the scale

One thing I’ve been working with a few horses on is learning to move out of the way of the tongue during turns. Some horses will step over automatically while others wait until the wooden pole rubs against them and then move. Sometimes a teammate (or an inattentive driver) can turn to quick and to sharp and knock an animal with the tongue and it can be quite unpleasant. Ivy gets pretty defensive in turns and I often wonder if she was pushed around a bit by an overzealous teammate at her previous farm. So I’ve been asking myself the question, how many good turns does it take to outweigh a few poor ones? I have made hundreds of mindful turns, and while some days are better than others, she still remembers the mistakes.

Humans aren’t that different. How many times must I tell you (or show you) that you are good, and kind and safe and loved until it outweighs the voice in your head that tells you something different? I find myself over and over facing the same challenges, having similar conversations, collapsing into the same hugs searching for safety, and I begin to worry that it is wearing people out. That they will get tired of repeating themselves and answering the same questions. (I have been married nine years this fall and I will still look across the breakfast table and ask my husband if he likes me. I’m relieved to report that, so far, he still does.) Perhaps some of these challenges will be conquered, some insecurities pale in the light of steady reassurance, and others I fear I might never manage to totally shake. No matter the outcome, damage is done, it never fully disappears. We simply tip the scale back the other way with a bit of tenderness again and again and again.