March 11th 2023
A Response to Hardship
It's been an odd week for me here. Things have been humming along as usual on the farm as a whole, but I've had to change gears. To make a long story short I injured my hand late last week, my thumb got pinched between a chain and a metal ring and got ripped open. I ended up getting five stitches in my thumb last Thursday night. I am on the mend, the stitches were removed today and things are looking better, but I'm still navigating life quite differently. My work life in particular has been lighter and I've had a lot of extra help. My coworkers and volunteers have been nothing short of amazing. But the thing is, I hate asking for help. I hate watching other people work. I also don't like slowing down if it isn't my own idea. When the sun is out, the ground is dry, and I should be behind a four-horse hitch disking instead I am shuffling through equipment manuals and it feels absolutely wrong. I’m generally of the belief that there is a lesson in everything. If we can learn from setbacks, or suffering, we can use hard seasons to grow. I know that I ought to be learning and growing right now, and I toggle between optimism and the occasional brief pity party, if I’m being wholly honest. I don’t think negative things are orchestrated by some universal force or higher power for our growth, they happen to us because we are human. It’s just part of the deal. But the choice to grow is always there. The injury, or the heartbreak, or the loss is there, unperturbed by our own reactions or responses to it. What we make of it (or perhaps what it makes us) is wholly within our control. I still don’t fully know what I will take away from this time. I’ve thought a lot about safety, and all of the little things that could have played out a bit differently. I’ve thought countless times how grateful I am to still have ten fingers. I’ve thought about how lucky I am to have kind and supportive people looking out for me. And I hope that when I’m back in my usual routine even the most mundane tasks will be a welcomed sight.