August 19th 2023

When I first started using the corn planter we’d seeded two sections of beans and I was extremely puzzled. They’d been planted   in the same field on same day with the same settings on the planter. One section came up great, while the other was spotty and totally unsuccessful. I wracked my brain for days and checked over my detailed notes, looked over equipment settings and I found myself muttering endlessly, “I haven’t changed anything. Nothing changed. Everything stayed exactly the same.” Why would we see such a drastic difference? A few days later it finally struck me. We’d changed seed but I hadn’t double checked the seed plate to make sure it would work perfectly with the second variety. I was right. I’d kept everything the same. I feel that I’m in a similar place again. External factors have changed. I’ve changed jobs and moved states and finished school and various other things. I still feel like I’m catching up. Some days I still feel a little lost and unsettled. I feel fundamentally different even though my spouse assures me that I am the same as I’ve ever been. My strengths and challenges and quirks are all still there, the same as they always have been. Nearly everything else in my life has shifted, if not been turned completely upside down. And yet I’ve stayed the same. So I have a hunch that maybe it’s time to check the seed plate. Sometimes if I find myself shying away from a hard conversation I force myself to talk anyway. If I would rather cancel plans then I show up instead. If I’m feeling overrun by big emotions and am at risk of being reactive I try to pause and take a step back. I don’t know if it’s working just yet. But every small change comes together over time and one day you turn around and find yourself standing up to your knees in flowering legumes.